waking up...

It isn't often I would ever cherish waking up in the morning. In the past, when I've had my typical bad dreams and recurring nightmares, I've just mostly been relieved to wake up and realize there really isn't a lion after me or a T-Rex skeleton stalking outside the closet I'm hiding in...the stress goes away and I go back to sleep. I don't think much about it.

The past two nights I've had a couple rather unpleasant dreams that I was glad to have woken up from. If either of them had been real, life as I know it would change drastically. However, the reality of both of these dreams one day coming true - in a way - is a very real possibility.

Thursday evening I had been praying and asking God if He'd be able to help me accept the possibility of one day losing a friend to another part of the province, country, or world. There isn't any real threat of this happening in the *near* future, but one of these days one of us may not be in the area anymore. That night I dreamt that she told me she was leaving and that *I* had helped her make that decision. It was a real test of whether or not I could accept her leaving. I don't think I would have passed had I not woken up.

This morning, I dreamt that my mom, dad and I were sitting on the couch watching tv and I had my laptop on my lap. For some strange reason we had a jug of water sitting on the table, perhaps for refilling glasses or something. All of a sudden, somehow the jug of water was spilled on my dad and I don't know if it was my laptop or another electrical device nearby, but it electrocuted him! I was running trying to call the ambulance ("we can be there in 40 minutes, ma'am...") when my mom shrieked, realizing that my dad's shirt had been fused to his skin and the situation was definitely more serious than any of us had realized (or than dad's annoyance had let on). All of a sudden, I'm at church and no one really knows but we're all back at the gym in MPSS and there's a few people whispering as I'm just sitting alone and quiet in the audience. There was quite a big production going on and all of a sudden, Phil Botting speaks up from the stage saying that he isn't exactly certain of the situation, but to pray for the person in this church whose had a family member die. It's not like he was led by the Spirit to say it - I remember someone leaning over and whispering to him to tell him that my dad was dead and I guess he felt it necessary to announce it in the middle of the church production. I have a few snippets in my memory about being at work and trying to go on normally but just not functioning. And at night, when sitting at home (Kerry's basement?) watching tv with my housemates (Frank, Devon, Jen from work?) I held the pillow that dad always leaned on and started laughing hysterically - and it turned to uncontrollable weeping. I cried out "I just can't believe he's dead. This was his spot. These were his favourite pillows" and because I had started out laughing, all the room mates started laughing as well until they realized I was serious. They hadn't known what happened.

I know that he won't be around forever, but I'm not ready for him to go yet. It was at that moment in my dream when my numb hand woke me up and I actually cried, thankful that I could wake up from that horrible place and still have my daddy for a little while longer.



B-e-a-utiful People:
- "Martha" Mother
- Dad-O
- Brother Bear
- Mentor. Friend. Big Sister.
- Nephews (born and unborn; even if not related)
- Western BFF's
- Down Under Kiddies