I am riding out the last bit of an illness of gargatuan proportions. About a week and a half ago, I was laying in bed and was awoken by the slow, but definitely noticeable, building of sinus pressure. It was like I could feel someone filling my entire face with mucus, and by morning I couldn't breathe. I went through life in a blurry daze, with a constant headache and feeling like the snot in my brain was growing exponentially. Within a couple of days, my throat became very sore and another few days later, I completely lost my voice. That was a week ago. That night, I started coughing. It was a dry hack that never seemed to satisfy the tickle/discomfort in my throat.
I took Monday off of work and tried to get better. I ate Lipton soup and crackers all day, as well as probably half a dozen popsicles. I watched PPV prettymuch all day and didn't feel any better, even after a two hour nap in the afternoon. Tuesday was already a day off for me, so I decided to go to the doctor.
But when I woke up, I found a note from Dad-O saying he was going to the doctor FOR me, to get something for my sicky. He brought home a box of free samples of this antibacterial drug called Avelox. It wasn't something to help the symptoms, but to kill this wretched disease of mine. I later found out that it is killing not only the bad bacteria in my body (oh, and the diagnosis was a bacterial infection of the sinus, which spread to my respiratory system), but all of the good stuff, too. So I was advised to eat a lot of yogurt (mmm I love it). And today I find that my skin is really clearing up!
My voice is mostly back, but I still have an annoying - and quite sporadic - cough. And it makes my chest and head throb. I get a nice quick shot of pain when I cough but then it goes away. I'm just waiting for the back of my head to explode like on House the other night.
In other news, I discovered the addictive wonder of Facebook Bumper Stickers. I'm in love. I found so many cute ones and I'm really trying to force myself not to go back to the site again tonight, because it kept me out of bed for an hour and a half longer than I'd planned on last night. It's uber fun - if you've never accepted the application before, make sure you do it soon! There are so many fun ones...buuuut some dirty ones so do your part by flagging the offensive ones. :)
I haven't felt much like myself lately, and I'm not the only one who's noticing it. I'm quieter than normal, and not nearly as easily excited. I don't know exactly what's going on...I just kinda feel blah and I can't explain why. Then again, I haven't really stopped to ask myself why, either...haven't given it the thought. I think that thinking is just too much energy spent right now and I'd rather just be lazy.
Someone asked me the other day who my friends are - who I hang out with. I couldn't answer the question. I've spent a lot of time sitting at home lately. A few nights here and there with youth. At least once a week mentoring. Once a week teaching. Working sometimes 6 days a week. I see Selena quite a bit. Kerry not as much as I'd like to. Helena rarely. Rachel practically never. I think that the person asking meant who I hang out with that's around my age group, since I seem to spend a lot of time with youth these days. There are a lot of people my age at church, but none of them that I really have the desire to hang out with on a regular basis. Except Rachel, who currently seems to have the complete opposite working schedule that I have, and is now a little more occupied having a boy in her sights.
It's times like this that I really miss Calgary. Kate. Rachel. Char. Nicole. Even Jen, though she's not out west...seems like it's that far some days, though. I miss random dinner/movie dates with Jon and star gazing with Jeff and Lynnette. I miss floor meeting and midnight Chinese food dates with my room mate. I miss showing up in Nicole's room and jamming on guitar and djembe for a couple of hours. I miss margarita nights with Liz, Janelle, Becca and Jenn...bells palsy jokes and buck teeth. It's really frustrating feeling so alone in a world where you're surrounded by people. And it feels even worse knowing that every one of the people around me love me and care for me and still I feel alone. It's like who they are and what they do for me means nothing to me and it makes me feel like crap. Awkward questions (especially coming when I feel there is no right or reason to be asked) make me think too much and eventually feel like crap.
I felt kinda down and not myself before that question came, but I don't think it's helped much.
Now I have to try to think of something beautiful to put in the title. Blech.
(added note: funny how God works, providing me with something beautiful to put in the title just as I was dreading having to try to force something out of my little brain)
30 May 2008
17 May 2008
DQ
i don't even know what happened in the last few weeks. i've completely neglected my blog. perhaps part of it is because i haven't really had internet access for the past week or so. it's been kinda nice, but i've also wasted a lot more gas and stayed up a heck of a lot later than i should trying to find ways to amuse myself without the world wide web.
so i've been spending a lot of time with a few neat people lately. i met a couple of girls at the youth conference who totally rock my mismatched ankle socks. i haven't seen once since then but that's going to change as of tomorrow night. and then i've spent a few random nights with the other one, just hanging out and doing homework (oh goodness) at tim hortons in the middle of the night. it's been good fun.
i've also spent quite a bit of time with a young girl who i've started mentoring a little the past while. she's pretty great and i love her and her family. i've been praying a lot for them and it's been turning out kinda good lately.
but at the present moment i'm watching a stupid movie with darren, one of my leetle egg bebes but he was out for a smoke and to let the dog out for a pee so now that he's back i'm gunna go join him. he cooked me dinner and everything. so cute. actually we're now going to head to DQ to get a treat and then finish the movie.
so that's life lately. i've been random and taking a lot of time off of work and driving a sweet car that doesn't belong to me and hanging out with an annoying cat, a shy cat and a giant dog who likes to sleep in my bed. lame. but it's been alright. i'm looking forward to getting back to fisherville, believe it or not. it means internet. ha.
anyways, the end. gunna head out now.
so i've been spending a lot of time with a few neat people lately. i met a couple of girls at the youth conference who totally rock my mismatched ankle socks. i haven't seen once since then but that's going to change as of tomorrow night. and then i've spent a few random nights with the other one, just hanging out and doing homework (oh goodness) at tim hortons in the middle of the night. it's been good fun.
i've also spent quite a bit of time with a young girl who i've started mentoring a little the past while. she's pretty great and i love her and her family. i've been praying a lot for them and it's been turning out kinda good lately.
but at the present moment i'm watching a stupid movie with darren, one of my leetle egg bebes but he was out for a smoke and to let the dog out for a pee so now that he's back i'm gunna go join him. he cooked me dinner and everything. so cute. actually we're now going to head to DQ to get a treat and then finish the movie.
so that's life lately. i've been random and taking a lot of time off of work and driving a sweet car that doesn't belong to me and hanging out with an annoying cat, a shy cat and a giant dog who likes to sleep in my bed. lame. but it's been alright. i'm looking forward to getting back to fisherville, believe it or not. it means internet. ha.
anyways, the end. gunna head out now.
5 May 2008
time, time, time...
So things are finally looking like they can start settling down. The youth conference is over and baseball has started and Blast Off and Flipside will soon be done for the summer. It's exciting, but I also find that when I have nothing to do and no place to be, I get really bored and find more things to commit to in order to fill the empty times. It's like by being busy, I'm actually being lazy by avoiding important things such as prayer and devo time, exercise and family time. I'd much rather fill my day with doing stuff than spending time in my own head or doing something monotonous.
Let me just say that tonight I watched two PPV movies, a Canadian tv show called Skooled which aired a while ago (that my dear Dondrea was in) and an episode of Bones...and it made me want to prettymuch die. I've realized that there is little desire within me to sit on a couch and watch tv for hours on end. And yet I can do it so easily with something like Will & Grace or Gilmore Girls. Or really any of my DVD series', come to think of it.
But seriously, having spent upwards of 5 hours straight in front of the tv figuring out what to watch next really took a lot out of me instead of chilled me out. I wanted to sleep the whole time but kept myself awake because I didn't want to miss it. It's like I'm addicted to, and yet bored of, TV.
In other news, I had a bit of a freak out on my baseball coach yesterday. This isn't something I'm proud of but I wasn't about to let what was said go unconfronted. I got a little confused about my position when playing the field, as I'm normally a third baseman. I'm not saying I *have* to be here, but I just assumed since it's been that way for a year now. So I went out to my place and saw someone else standing there. I got all kerfuffled and confused and asked "what's up with this? I've always played third...", to which my coach replied "Well, you're on 2nd this time because that's normally where the girls are played. You see, it's a pretty far throw from third to first and that area is a hot spot for line drives so I put you and Shannon to trade off on 2nd".
Well the comment threw me off a little and I shook my head in the same way a cat does when you blow in its ear. I sort of said "well alright" but walked away feeling thoroughly offended. I thought of last season and remembered how I played. And I wasn't bad by any means. In fact, I did quite well. Maybe I missed the occasional line drive but whenever I did stop the ball, never did I once throw it short to first. If anything, I would throw it over Shawn's head and end up forcing a double for having too strong of an arm.
So I let it stew and simmer and I got really angry really quickly. We had a few heated words and although he kept asking me to just drop it, he would be the one to bring it up again a few minutes later and I'll have to admit that I didn't hold my tongue when I should have. I had a few words come out that weren't any longer than 4 letters each and I'm not proud of it. But I had to email him again tonight and make sure he actually understood why I was upset. He seemed to think that I was angry because I was being a spoiled brat who wanted my own base back, which wasn't the case at all. I would much rather he criticized my personal abilities rather than categorize me and just put me "where most girls go, because we *have* to have them on the team"...kind of made me feel like we were all picked last in gym class if that makes sense.
Anyway, enough of that. I got most of it out in my email so I should just drop it.
On a more positive note, this past weekend was freakin awesome. I have to admit that I was kind of afraid that people wouldn't be as responsive to the Orange Man Group as we were hoping but just the opposite happened. There was a phenomenal response and we had so much fun doing it. Some people have asked about the possibility of doing future gigs at youth events and whatnot. I think it'd be awesome...but for now I am just hoping to relax for a little while before recommiting to that project, to be completely honest. It was a lot of work and there's still plenty to do to get the PVC instruments up to performance grade. More cutting. More gluing. More practicing. More paddles. More time. More effort. More money. It's just not at the top of my excitement list at the moment.
Plus, my hands are still stained at the cuticles and in between my fingers...and my face and hands have an all around orange tinge to them as though I used a really cheap tanning lotion. Not fun at all.
But again, the weekend was amazing! Some of the people came who I was really hoping would show up. I made a couple new friends and totally schooled the Food Chain game (even if it was only a short time and I had to quit at Bullwinkle). I got to see one of my favourite kids become a Christian and some of my others grow closer to God. I saw barriers come down from around my girls' hearts and realized that some of them have come such a long way even in the past few months. And I celebrated!
I also had a bit of a choke-up time, too. It's often at these big events that I start to think about upcoming goodbyes. Last year I had a hard time watching Dondrea go away to school...and this year I've got 4 of my other favourites leaving their respective nests and it's hitting me hard. I knew that it would happen all at once, since they all just happen to be the same age and in the same grade...but that doesn't make it easier as the time left to spend with them grows shorter. I do have to remember that they're not gone yet and I have to make the best of the time I have left with them, but I dread 'goodbye' - especially when it involves those who are so dear to my heart. And so I get anxious about 'goodbye' much sooner than most people do. There is a bit of happiness, though, as I know of at least 2 girls who are, in fact, sticking around for another year or so. At least I don't have to say all my super hard goodbyes all at once.
Well, this has been a really long post...mostly because I've been too busy to fit in shorter, more frequent updates. And there is more on my mind but at this point it's past midnight and my eyes are growing heavier by the second. Plus, let's just be honest...most of you will just see the length of this entry, skim over it and leave within a minute and a half, as that's apparently the average time people spend on my blog, each visit.
So with all of that said, I bid you adieu (to you, and you, and you).
(Psst...how do you solve a problem like Maria?)
Let me just say that tonight I watched two PPV movies, a Canadian tv show called Skooled which aired a while ago (that my dear Dondrea was in) and an episode of Bones...and it made me want to prettymuch die. I've realized that there is little desire within me to sit on a couch and watch tv for hours on end. And yet I can do it so easily with something like Will & Grace or Gilmore Girls. Or really any of my DVD series', come to think of it.
But seriously, having spent upwards of 5 hours straight in front of the tv figuring out what to watch next really took a lot out of me instead of chilled me out. I wanted to sleep the whole time but kept myself awake because I didn't want to miss it. It's like I'm addicted to, and yet bored of, TV.
In other news, I had a bit of a freak out on my baseball coach yesterday. This isn't something I'm proud of but I wasn't about to let what was said go unconfronted. I got a little confused about my position when playing the field, as I'm normally a third baseman. I'm not saying I *have* to be here, but I just assumed since it's been that way for a year now. So I went out to my place and saw someone else standing there. I got all kerfuffled and confused and asked "what's up with this? I've always played third...", to which my coach replied "Well, you're on 2nd this time because that's normally where the girls are played. You see, it's a pretty far throw from third to first and that area is a hot spot for line drives so I put you and Shannon to trade off on 2nd".
Well the comment threw me off a little and I shook my head in the same way a cat does when you blow in its ear. I sort of said "well alright" but walked away feeling thoroughly offended. I thought of last season and remembered how I played. And I wasn't bad by any means. In fact, I did quite well. Maybe I missed the occasional line drive but whenever I did stop the ball, never did I once throw it short to first. If anything, I would throw it over Shawn's head and end up forcing a double for having too strong of an arm.
So I let it stew and simmer and I got really angry really quickly. We had a few heated words and although he kept asking me to just drop it, he would be the one to bring it up again a few minutes later and I'll have to admit that I didn't hold my tongue when I should have. I had a few words come out that weren't any longer than 4 letters each and I'm not proud of it. But I had to email him again tonight and make sure he actually understood why I was upset. He seemed to think that I was angry because I was being a spoiled brat who wanted my own base back, which wasn't the case at all. I would much rather he criticized my personal abilities rather than categorize me and just put me "where most girls go, because we *have* to have them on the team"...kind of made me feel like we were all picked last in gym class if that makes sense.
Anyway, enough of that. I got most of it out in my email so I should just drop it.
On a more positive note, this past weekend was freakin awesome. I have to admit that I was kind of afraid that people wouldn't be as responsive to the Orange Man Group as we were hoping but just the opposite happened. There was a phenomenal response and we had so much fun doing it. Some people have asked about the possibility of doing future gigs at youth events and whatnot. I think it'd be awesome...but for now I am just hoping to relax for a little while before recommiting to that project, to be completely honest. It was a lot of work and there's still plenty to do to get the PVC instruments up to performance grade. More cutting. More gluing. More practicing. More paddles. More time. More effort. More money. It's just not at the top of my excitement list at the moment.
Plus, my hands are still stained at the cuticles and in between my fingers...and my face and hands have an all around orange tinge to them as though I used a really cheap tanning lotion. Not fun at all.
But again, the weekend was amazing! Some of the people came who I was really hoping would show up. I made a couple new friends and totally schooled the Food Chain game (even if it was only a short time and I had to quit at Bullwinkle). I got to see one of my favourite kids become a Christian and some of my others grow closer to God. I saw barriers come down from around my girls' hearts and realized that some of them have come such a long way even in the past few months. And I celebrated!
I also had a bit of a choke-up time, too. It's often at these big events that I start to think about upcoming goodbyes. Last year I had a hard time watching Dondrea go away to school...and this year I've got 4 of my other favourites leaving their respective nests and it's hitting me hard. I knew that it would happen all at once, since they all just happen to be the same age and in the same grade...but that doesn't make it easier as the time left to spend with them grows shorter. I do have to remember that they're not gone yet and I have to make the best of the time I have left with them, but I dread 'goodbye' - especially when it involves those who are so dear to my heart. And so I get anxious about 'goodbye' much sooner than most people do. There is a bit of happiness, though, as I know of at least 2 girls who are, in fact, sticking around for another year or so. At least I don't have to say all my super hard goodbyes all at once.
Well, this has been a really long post...mostly because I've been too busy to fit in shorter, more frequent updates. And there is more on my mind but at this point it's past midnight and my eyes are growing heavier by the second. Plus, let's just be honest...most of you will just see the length of this entry, skim over it and leave within a minute and a half, as that's apparently the average time people spend on my blog, each visit.
So with all of that said, I bid you adieu (to you, and you, and you).
(Psst...how do you solve a problem like Maria?)
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