come as you are

I've been convicted recently (again) that I'm not spending enough time with God. I'm not making Him a priority; giving Him my first and best. It's hard to keep my attention when I have to sit and read something, so I'm being realistic here and trying something "easy" - watching bible study videos. I'm not buying all the books to go along with them, intensely studying and working through it as though I were participating in a small group. Just watching videos. It's a start.

I've just finished a series called "Pulling the Thread" by Jen Hatmaker. It's about unraveling our view about God's calling in our lives. What I can say is that it basically reminds me that my ordinary life is worth something and that I can be intentional for Christ in every small thing I do.

I'm feeling particularly convicted about loving people. It's no secret to my Gateway family that many people have come and gone from our church, unnoticed, having felt totally overlooked and lost in its "big"ness. I can sit and point, condemning and judging my brothers and sisters for not reaching out and loving people but I am really no better. And I say that more like "I am rrrreeeaaalllllllllllyyyy no better". I have an odd fear of small talk. I have bigger insecurity issues than most would believe to see me interact and/or play and/or sing on a Sunday morning. Unfortunately this translates to unfriendliness and snobbery to any newcomer (or any oldcomer that I likely don't recognize).

And let's be honest for a moment. It's SO much easier for us to just stick with the comfortable crowd; the "us" crowd. I have "my people" and I am the first to admit that I'm a GREAT friend as long as you're "in". I have enough (so many - too many to keep up with) "in"s that I don't have time for the so-called "out"s.

"I have enough friends." Guilty as charged.

But once in a while I get brave. Once in a while I reach out to someone who intrigues me. Once in a while (okay once in this case) I feel a specific calling / nudging toward someone, knowing that I have a place in their world and they have a place in mine. I don't often use the "God led / told me to" bit, so when I do it's usually after I've analyzed it from every which way (and have seen the fruits of obedience).

But we are called to love people. Even the ones whose "as they are" does not match our "as we are" or our "as we hoped".
My Gateway-ers will know what I mean by that.
And sometimes people just won't get it. At times even I don't.

Jen Hatmaker, in Pulling the Thread, said this about our fear of the nebulous "other" (totally paraphrased):
Rather than just insisting that, in order to belong with us, they must believe what we believe exactly; they must be of the tribe we understand; they must be one of us in order to belong. What if, instead, we begin to create places for people to belong first, no matter their beliefs, heritage, ethnicity, lifestyle, choices, value system, no matter what...

One thing we don't love to talk about is the cost of mercy. It's more fun to talk about the good feelings that come from merciful and missional living. But Jesus was clear that there is a high cost and we have to count it (Luke 9:23-26). Jesus was misunderstood and questioned in his actions constantly! People wondered why He was eating with sinners and touching lepers. His choices and His intentions were constantly under the microscope. He made a mess of things in the best way. If we are to follow Him, we should expect the same. We will be misunderstood; it will be confusing. It scares people to watch someone live on mission.

This is a huge confirmation and encouragement to me.Once again I'm being reminded that my job is to love people. It isn't my job to convict or convert; "that's Holy Spirit territory". I have been learning in small encouraging ways that loving people through their struggles; through their choices; through the mess they create for themselves (because let's be real - someone has loved me through plenty of my own) is not wasted.

When we can get over this fear of the "nebulous other"; the "came as they are"s instead of the "came as I hoped"s, we will be free to simply love.

help control the cyberspace population; have your blog spayed or neutered

Forgive me, Blogger, for I have slacked.
It's been 5 (FIVE) years since my last entry.

It's time to get back on the blogwagon. I'm re-using my old address and starting afresh within an already-existent environment for a couple of reasons:
1. Let's be real: cyberspace is overpopulated. If I wanted to start over with a new address, I'd have to tack on 6 billion foreign characters and numbers to find a place to call my own. The idea of assigning myself a number makes me feel like an inmate. Also, I'm lazy.
2. I love that a recurring theme in my life has been a desire to identify, acknowledge and be grateful for the beautiful things in life; the simple pleasures (and extravagant ones) that we often take for granted. This theme has ebbed and flowed into my heart for years and I'm glad to know that I have maintained some consistency within my heart.

I've glanced through a few of my old posts and realize that there IS value to recording daily thoughts and challenges. Even if, at this moment, the value is in realizing how we grow and change in just a couple of years. It's funny to read about just how young and naive I once was. And when I come back again in another five years I'm sure I'll roll my eyes at my present, 31-year-old self and say "oh if you only knew, child..."

One of these days I'll go through all my old posts and re-live a little of what I went through in my mid-twenties. But for now I'm here, starting afresh, with no time to say much at this particular moment besides "stay tuned".

If you want. This is really for me, in the end. :)