30 May 2008

big sisterly pride...witnessing my girls grow up and make hard decisions...but still being invited in as part of the process. <3

I am riding out the last bit of an illness of gargatuan proportions. About a week and a half ago, I was laying in bed and was awoken by the slow, but definitely noticeable, building of sinus pressure. It was like I could feel someone filling my entire face with mucus, and by morning I couldn't breathe. I went through life in a blurry daze, with a constant headache and feeling like the snot in my brain was growing exponentially. Within a couple of days, my throat became very sore and another few days later, I completely lost my voice. That was a week ago. That night, I started coughing. It was a dry hack that never seemed to satisfy the tickle/discomfort in my throat.
I took Monday off of work and tried to get better. I ate Lipton soup and crackers all day, as well as probably half a dozen popsicles. I watched PPV prettymuch all day and didn't feel any better, even after a two hour nap in the afternoon. Tuesday was already a day off for me, so I decided to go to the doctor.
But when I woke up, I found a note from Dad-O saying he was going to the doctor FOR me, to get something for my sicky. He brought home a box of free samples of this antibacterial drug called Avelox. It wasn't something to help the symptoms, but to kill this wretched disease of mine. I later found out that it is killing not only the bad bacteria in my body (oh, and the diagnosis was a bacterial infection of the sinus, which spread to my respiratory system), but all of the good stuff, too. So I was advised to eat a lot of yogurt (mmm I love it). And today I find that my skin is really clearing up!
My voice is mostly back, but I still have an annoying - and quite sporadic - cough. And it makes my chest and head throb. I get a nice quick shot of pain when I cough but then it goes away. I'm just waiting for the back of my head to explode like on House the other night.

In other news, I discovered the addictive wonder of Facebook Bumper Stickers. I'm in love. I found so many cute ones and I'm really trying to force myself not to go back to the site again tonight, because it kept me out of bed for an hour and a half longer than I'd planned on last night. It's uber fun - if you've never accepted the application before, make sure you do it soon! There are so many fun ones...buuuut some dirty ones so do your part by flagging the offensive ones. :)

I haven't felt much like myself lately, and I'm not the only one who's noticing it. I'm quieter than normal, and not nearly as easily excited. I don't know exactly what's going on...I just kinda feel blah and I can't explain why. Then again, I haven't really stopped to ask myself why, either...haven't given it the thought. I think that thinking is just too much energy spent right now and I'd rather just be lazy.

Someone asked me the other day who my friends are - who I hang out with. I couldn't answer the question. I've spent a lot of time sitting at home lately. A few nights here and there with youth. At least once a week mentoring. Once a week teaching. Working sometimes 6 days a week. I see Selena quite a bit. Kerry not as much as I'd like to. Helena rarely. Rachel practically never. I think that the person asking meant who I hang out with that's around my age group, since I seem to spend a lot of time with youth these days. There are a lot of people my age at church, but none of them that I really have the desire to hang out with on a regular basis. Except Rachel, who currently seems to have the complete opposite working schedule that I have, and is now a little more occupied having a boy in her sights.

It's times like this that I really miss Calgary. Kate. Rachel. Char. Nicole. Even Jen, though she's not out west...seems like it's that far some days, though. I miss random dinner/movie dates with Jon and star gazing with Jeff and Lynnette. I miss floor meeting and midnight Chinese food dates with my room mate. I miss showing up in Nicole's room and jamming on guitar and djembe for a couple of hours. I miss margarita nights with Liz, Janelle, Becca and Jenn...bells palsy jokes and buck teeth. It's really frustrating feeling so alone in a world where you're surrounded by people. And it feels even worse knowing that every one of the people around me love me and care for me and still I feel alone. It's like who they are and what they do for me means nothing to me and it makes me feel like crap. Awkward questions (especially coming when I feel there is no right or reason to be asked) make me think too much and eventually feel like crap.

I felt kinda down and not myself before that question came, but I don't think it's helped much.

Now I have to try to think of something beautiful to put in the title. Blech.

(added note: funny how God works, providing me with something beautiful to put in the title just as I was dreading having to try to force something out of my little brain)

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