learning a lesson as i write...

I phoned the water company yesterday morning because I was afraid that if I both had a shower and put in a load of laundry, I would run out of water and burn out the pump and ruin life and break something big and expensive and I don't want that to happen.

So I got a phonecall back saying that they would be here today, and that I should leave the money for the load between the doors or by the cistern. But it was an absolutely desperate laundry situation, since Blue decided that 6 pairs of my dirty underwear would be a nice mid-day snack. I decided that it would be pointless to shower if I didn't have clean underwear, so I opted to wash a uniform on the lightest wash setting possible, as not to run out of water.

When I was sitting in the car this morning waiting for the truck to leave, though, I realized that it was so silly for me to go unclean for 3 days afraid to run out of water when I should have just called them a few days ago. Funny how we take something so simple for granted - and God was reminding me of that while waiting to get out of the driveway. We treat water as though we have a right to it. I mean, yeah, it's sort of a necessity in life but we act like we can use as much of it as we like with no consequence. Calling the water truck and waiting for them to bring it to me seemed inconvenient enough but think about those around the world who rely on a water supply contaminated with...well I don't even want to go there. It breaks my heart.

Anyways, it was kind of cool when I later found out that a friend was also learning about taking things in life for granted. Just a random thought there. I like water and I'm surprised that I've spent the last hour sitting on the computer rather than taking a long hot shower after days of feeling grungy.

In other news...time for a good ramble.

I often look back on my blog postings and think I've got very little to say with a lot of shallow and fancy padding. I have this defense mechanism called silliness, and I use it when I feel most out of place or unfamiliar with my situation or surroundings. I am always afraid to make a fool of myself by accident, so instead I decide to intentionally make a fool of myself and give the impression that I could care less what people think of me.

This isn't the case at all.

I have tried, in the past, to actually convince people who think they truly know me that - in reality - I'm shy and insecure with the feeling that I have very little to offer in life. Not many people believe me. Some say that if that's the truth, there still has to be some of the real me somewhere in the person that I portray. I often get typical compliments at church about my musicality or my giftings with youth but I don't take them to heart because it just feels so shallow at times - the people who say those things to me obviously don't know the real me. All it takes to be me is an aspiration towards mediocrity. I do things to the very minimum and then dress it up with a little rockin' or a quick joke.

The point I'm trying to make through this tangent is that it isn't often I feel like I've got a lot to contribute. But today I was completely floored when a good friend complimented my blogging. I honestly was a little flustered and I don't remember exactly what was said except the words "inspired" and "witty", and I drove to work wondering what had just happened.

I feel like when I write, I don't have much to say. Whatever does get said normally goes through a rigorous proofreading and editing because that's just one of the only anal qualities I've got. I liken my thoughts and writing to my ability to play almost a dozen instruments and minister to youth - it just takes a good dose of jazzed-up mediocrity to be in my head.

But what was probably meant to have been a casual comment in passing turned out to be something so encouraging to me. Finding out that what I have to say affects someone who I deeply respect completely made my day. I may be able to offer something after all, even if only my reflections on the beautiful things and people God has blessed me with.

This also helps me to understand, a little, how a little girl would want to cut her bangs just like me. Or how a group of three boys can feel special with a simple secret handshake or a nickname I've given each of them.

Something I do or say that seems so simple to me might mean the world to them...

Something that might've seemed so simple and insignificant to Kerry meant the world to me...

I suppose the lesson God's trying to teach me is that even if I'm not perfect, being a simple encourager or an arm around the shoulder or a listening ear is all I need to be to make a world of difference in a person's life.