I think today, God's focus was to affirm and encourage me as a whole person. Not as a pizza cook or as a youth leader or as a friend or daughter or whatever...just as an entire person, created by Him for a purpose. Three times today I've had someone express an appreciation or admiration about me and with me feeling so down on myself this past while it's really put things into perspective.
There's a cheesy, cliché email I used to get forwarded to me all the time that had encouraging one-liners in it like:
"Someone's thinking about you right now."
"Someone wishes you would notice them."
"You're the center of someone's world."
"Someone considers you a role model."
Today sort of reminded me of that email, as though God was sending it to me without the use of a computer screen or password protected inbox.
A couple parents and siblings of my Flipside kids (Jacquie's first day!) said that the boys really like me and that as long as I'm going to be their small group leader, they'll be excited to come to Flipside every week. I'm really glad that I can teach them about Jesus and have fun with them. I look forward to next week and all of the weeks to come, and it encourages me that they do too.
Then another mother told me that her daughter asked if she could have her bangs cut "like Jacquie does" and "swoop them to the side, too". This girl is fairly young and she always finds me to give me a hug every week at church...and although it might seem kind of insignificant and silly, it made me feel kinda fuzzy thinking that this girl looks up to me so much. Especially when I certainly don't feel worthy of that kind of admiration. It was beautiful.
And tonight I shared with a young lady my intentions to make her my prayer focus for the month of March and asked if she had anything specific that she would like me to keep in mind. She said that she was really glad I'd be praying for her because she feels she really needs it lately. I think what made me feel great about this is that God is so cool - it was only a simple nudging from Him that said "she's the one, kiddo" and it turned out to be perfect. And the fact that she was appreciative and a bit vulnerable with me about specific prayer requests is a huge encouragement to me.
AND this isn't something that someone said to me, but let me just point out right now that I prayed COMFORTABLY and without hesitation today with not ONE, but TWO separate groups of people. And I wasn't even asked to do it - I just did. And it wasn't as scary as it normally is. And I wasn't paying attention to what people might think if I said something that sounded silly or if I fumbled over my words because it doesn't matter. God knows.
The pastor talked about a song at church today...and it was a song that carries negative memories and feelings for me. I was quite happy to never have heard this song since being back in Canada, and yet he brought it up. And then of course the worship team played it. I initially closed up and shut down, but then remembered the words that Samuel January spoke to me:
"The key is not to close up to something BECAUSE of circumstances, but EMBRACE it in SPITE of circumstances."
I sang the song. And I cried. And of course, it was followed by another song that breaks me everytime. And I cried. And it was good.
I still don't know, though, if I'm ready to take communion again. I never feel ready.
Something to consider...
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