I haven't found much time to post lately because of all of the hype leading up to GYC '08. I was at a point last week when I thought I could see an end in sight and felt like things weren't as intimidating as I'd previously thought. I decided that because I had done so well preparing and getting everything in order, the last 2 weeks leading up to the conference would be smooth sailing. And for about a day, it felt like that was coming true. But now it seems to all be falling apart and with me superbly PMS-ing I've had an extremely emotional week. On average, I've spontaneously started crying while reading an email, or finding out something that isn't going quite as planned, about once a day since sometime last week. I say this is on average because some nights have included 2-3 random moments whereas a day or two has been tear-free.
But tonight, even after panicking at work about how and when the PVC instruments were going to get to the church, where they were going to be stored, and how I was going to manage having a restful evening with the entire move being postponed by an hour and a half...I'm starting to feel a little more at ease. Perhaps earlier I was so emotional because I've had a migraine all day, I feel myself getting sick (sinus and throat), work was getting a little stressful by the end of the day and I'm feeling totally over worked (and unappreciated in some ways).
See, I've always been the kind of person who works best under pressure, when there's less than the required amount of time to do what needs doing. I've always been the kind of person to chill out until the last possible minute but this time I've put so much prep into the conference that all of these last minute changes, demands and snags are really stressing me out.
Perhaps this means that God has a plan to do something AMAZING and that Satan is getting pretty worried about what's in store for this conference. Who knows, really. I just know that I'm feeling worn out and beaten down and just...empty. It's like I have nothing left to give because there's barely anything left to sustain me. I know that sounds really negative but I'm just being honest here.
But tonight after I got home from hiding the instruments in the church, I read a few emails, chatted a while and made dinner (mmm warm brie on crackers). Then I went downstairs and watched Bee Movie on PPV and chilled out for an hour and a half, not thinking about anything except the pretty pictures on the TV. And my migraine's mostly gone and my tummy is happy and even though I smell like pizza and socks (ew), I'm actually feeling pretty calm. I know this is short-lived so I might as well savour it while I still can.
You know how when someone wins a game show or the lottery and when asked what they're going to do next, the winner pulls out a good ole' "I'm going to Disney Land"?
Well, on Sunday, May 4th at about 1:00 pm, ask ME what I'm going to do now that I've won the prize of free time and sanity (well, maybe only a little sanity - too much just wouldn't be me). I can guarantee that the first response will consist of only one word. It's not hard to guess what that word is but let me give you a hint...the past 2 days I've had to wake up at 7:00 to put a first and second coat of paint on each of the frames, and I'm not spending enough time winding down at night before trying to go to bed. Guess what I plan to do when this is all over...
But what excites me most is the freedom to be able to spend time with people. My brother is moving home for the summer as of this weekend and I want to hang out with him whenever possible. One of my close friends just went back to work after mat leave and it seems we never get a chance to have coffee anymore like we used to so now at least my schedule will be free enough to work around only working schedules (rather than work, youth, conference, etc). I'm looking forward to the baseball season, too. And of course, I have a brand new nephew that I plan on spending lots of time with (even though the Falls is "sooooo" ;) far away). I'm actually also kind of looking forward to be able to afford my next two classes so that I can get some schoolwork done over the summer as well.
Anyways, this has mostly been just a lot of rambling about nothing really worthwhile. The moral of the story is that I'm exhausted and emotional, but that I'm excited about the conference, but that I'm also looking forward to having some time to myself.
Now it's time to take some itchy pills, run my hands and feet under cold water and head to bed.
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