i have been busy. and i have had some pretty extreme highs and lows while being busy. i've had my faith, patience, discipline and capacity to love unconditionally tested during this week and i wish i could say that i passed each test with flying colours. i wish i could say that i even scraped by on some of them.
i treat this upcoming worship event as though it were a burden of sorts...it's like a woman being in the last month or two of pregnancy when all she can say is "yeah, i'm ready for this kid to come now. just get it out of me and get it overwith." that's how i feel, in some ways.
add all that to the happenings of the last week or so and what has resulted is the appearance of frazzled and fritzed jacquie. i've mapped out what the next two weeks is going to look like and my brain and body react in a way that resembles syllabus shock in one's freshman year of college. i look too far ahead and get overwhelmed at the weight of the big picture, rather than taking it one day and one task at a time. i forget Who's really in control, here.
i've been longing for a spare couple of hours to just sit and chill out. yesterday i spent an hour finishing a book and then another half hour napping before the phone rang for me. it was nice. but today i found myself sitting on my rear since 5:00, watching a movie and feeling utterly bored out of my skull. it made me realize that i enjoy keeping myself insanely busy because it doesn't give me enough time to feel bored or to be alone with my thoughts ABOUT all the stressful stuff coming up. and now i don't feel tired at all (after all, it's only 9:15...normally i'd maybe just be getting home by now and checking/returning emails before reading myself to sleep) and i still have another two hours or so before i'd normally be asleep. and since i feel so rested from last night, i don't feel like i could sleep tonight.
that's the stupid thing about my sleeping requirements. for weeks on end i feel like i don't get enough and then the night that i can actually fall asleep early enough to get a decent amount's sleep...i wake up 2 hours early and can't get back to sleep...and then STILL feel too awake to go to sleep the next night.
then the cycle starts again.
and to top it off, i've had a nasty headache for a few days. it hasn't come back since this morning, but my neck and shoulders are aching as though my head wants to hurt.
but my week has also been encouraging in so many ways. the youth band is really coming together and sounding like a team. the pipes are 2/3 flat-cut and i'm hoping to mount the second set before this weekend. that's a big thing on my plate right now...getting this instrument tuned. and i've had other ways of being encouraged through some of my youth. i've had a few great lightbulb moments when God decided to fill me in on a bit of His plan. and i'm still pretty stoked about this whole "i have highspeed" thing. so it hasn't all been bad, or stressful. in fact, even though much of my week has been hectic and chaotic, i've generally felt pretty good about everything.
but i came to the stupid realization on friday at bedtime that i forgot to phone my kids in nz. i felt terrible.
but now i think it's time to start reading a book that was given to me almost 2 years ago to help me through a tough time. i have kept trying to start it but never got around to it past the first chapter or two. something is telling me it's time to read it, and so i am going to do that.
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