12 years ago, my family decided that we were going to start looking for a family dog. mom was really set on a border collie, since they were known to be well-behaved, easy to train and good with kids. but like most couples with a mortgage, two kids and bills to pay, spending a buttload of money looking for a specific breed wasn't really in the cards.
but one day mom was out front doing some gardening or visiting or taking part in some other 'wisteria lane' type of activities when she mentioned to a neighbour that our family was looking for a border collie. the neighbour said that she had a mother-in-law who had just passed away, and her border collie mix was going to be put down if they couldn't find a home for her. she wasn't a purebred, but it's not like we were going for that anyways.
so one day, as a surprise, dad opened up the truck doors and out came this year-old ball of energy with an attitude. since her previous owner was a little old italian lady, this dog came with the name stella. we all thought it was a stupid name, but we couldn't very well change it when it had been her name for a year or so.
stella would get so excited when someone came home from school or work that she'd "spring a leak" - especially when (specifically) uncle jamie, uncle chris or grandma would come over. she was very happy, but then sometimes extremely temperamental and jumpy. she wasn't the kind of dog you'd want kids to be around for very long. i, myself, have suffered several hand bites but she very well came from a fairly abusive environment, where she was never exposed to men so she was fairly uncomfortable with her surroundings sometimes and her reaction was to snap. it's not a good thing. we were always afraid that one day she'd snap at the wrong person and we'd have to put her down.
then there was thanksgiving sometime in my early high-school years. we were going away to grandpa's cottage for the weekend and decided to just put her in a kennel for the first time. she loved grandpa's but there were going to be so many kids and people that we couldn't trust her to not bite someone just because most people don't know her pet peeves. we were leaving super early so we dropped her off in cayuga the night before, but by morning we got a phonecall saying she'd escaped. and ran away. in the countryside of cayuga. it took weeks for a farmer to find her on his doorstep, looking for garbage or scraps, and when he tried to put her in his truck she bit him and peed on his seats. ha. that's stella for ya.
i was convinced, before i left for new zealand, that if she was still alive by the time i flew out...she'd be gone by the time i came back. but she was still kicking.
she's never been able to play nicely when a toy or ball is involved. we didn't know how to train her to not be possessive, so we could never play fetch with her...until the last couple of years when she started learning that if she brought us her tennis ball in the living room, we'd always toss it into the dining room. she loved this new game, but couldn't play it outside or for too long because she was just getting too old and arthritic to be able to run and jump for long periods of time.
this past week, we noticed that she was falling down the stairs a lot. she has a few times before but we've decided the slippery hardwood flooring was to blame. but it's been happening on almost a daily basis. her back legs were failing completely and it would take her a long time to stand up...once she was up she could take a few steps but then her back end would drop to the floor again. finally, a few nights ago, dad woke up to her wimpering and crying, which is something she NEVER does. i've only heard her wimper whenever she was scratching her neck and got a toenail caught in her fur or collar. but she was apparently just crying all night and since her back legs can't reach her own body to scratch anymore, we knew that it was something bad.
so yesterday, mom made a phonecall. she knew that it was going to be a day of hard decisions. she knew the possibility of euthanasia and didn't know if she should tell mike before or after. she would have to decide to take stella herself, once dad admitted that he couldn't emotionally handle bringing her in. she knew that she would be the one signing the papers to end stella's life if there were no other options.
i went with mom. she was going to go alone and buck it up for her family, but i couldn't let her be alone...and mike and dad would, in no way, be able to handle keeping her company. dad's been the one to take care of the cats in the past when they've been too old or sick to go on, but he just couldn't make this vet trip. i've faced the life-or-death decision of an animal recently (life was possible in that case) - but i've also had to carry the body of my cat back from the highway to my garage. i've also watched enough vet shows and seen enough animals put down on tv that i felt i could best detach from the situation and try to be strong for mom.
the vet suspects that she had a spinal cord disease or injury that was causing her back end to gradually lose control and feeling - hence the constant bladder leak and laboured movement. her reflexes were awful and she actually allowed him to let her stand with her feet turned the wrong way without really noticing or fixing it for a long time. he also noticed after about 15 minutes that a couple of maggots had fallen off of her...turns out that because she couldn't control her bladder, the urine was burning her skin...and she couldn't brush, scratch or clean away any flies that recently starting using her hindquarters as a nest. she was in so much more pain than we thought, and we felt so guilty for not noticing because of her long fur that just never seemed to stay clean anyway. he said that sealed the deal, in his opinion...because he wasn't sure if she could even feel them on her body very well. and if she could, then she was being tortured.
she was having a good day yesterday. she was walking well and getting excited about having mike home. it made the decision really hard because we felt like it wasn't fair to decide to put her down when she could still walk into the vet. but the doctor reassured us that it was what he would do - and what he had to do a month ago because his own dog suffered a spinal cord condition that left him with similar symptoms.
she was very well behaved the whole day. she didn't snap at me once, even when i was having to pick up her back end to help her in and out of the car. she was good with the vet and didn't even get snarly when he was giving her the IV...she walked back into the examination room with a bit of anxiety, knowing something was up but still pleasant. i was feeding her snacks and realizing she hadn't eaten dinner when the doctor started injecting her. she kept eating and eating, happy and clueless when her head dropped into my hands, taking one last nap.
last night was hard. i dropped an ice cube on the floor when pouring drinks for dinner and had to actually pick it up and put it in the sink. i dropped a fry at the table, and almost called her name to come get it. afterwards, mike and i knew we couldn't just go to bed trying to sleep...we had to stay awake distracting ourselves with tv until we literally passed out. at 2 we both went to bed and i watched an episode of will and grace just to be sure i was ready to sleep. on the way up the stairs, i instinctively tread carefully half expecting to almost step on an invisible dog - black in the dark. i fed the cat with her feeding dish on the window ledge, like always, because she would always end up getting bullied out of her own bowl (catfood was stella's favourite treat). i tripped over an orange tennis ball in the living room.
but i dropped and slept all night - until mom came into my room to kiss my forehead goodbye for the day. she doesn't do it often but we've been really trying to be there for eachother the past day...unfortunately it woke me up enough to see stella's face, cradled in my hands and i woke up crying. i haven't stopped since.
she could finally be at peace and free of pain, and for that i'm grateful. but life just isn't going to be the same. she was a crabby old hag, but i'm really going to miss her.
but one day mom was out front doing some gardening or visiting or taking part in some other 'wisteria lane' type of activities when she mentioned to a neighbour that our family was looking for a border collie. the neighbour said that she had a mother-in-law who had just passed away, and her border collie mix was going to be put down if they couldn't find a home for her. she wasn't a purebred, but it's not like we were going for that anyways.
so one day, as a surprise, dad opened up the truck doors and out came this year-old ball of energy with an attitude. since her previous owner was a little old italian lady, this dog came with the name stella. we all thought it was a stupid name, but we couldn't very well change it when it had been her name for a year or so.
stella would get so excited when someone came home from school or work that she'd "spring a leak" - especially when (specifically) uncle jamie, uncle chris or grandma would come over. she was very happy, but then sometimes extremely temperamental and jumpy. she wasn't the kind of dog you'd want kids to be around for very long. i, myself, have suffered several hand bites but she very well came from a fairly abusive environment, where she was never exposed to men so she was fairly uncomfortable with her surroundings sometimes and her reaction was to snap. it's not a good thing. we were always afraid that one day she'd snap at the wrong person and we'd have to put her down.
then there was thanksgiving sometime in my early high-school years. we were going away to grandpa's cottage for the weekend and decided to just put her in a kennel for the first time. she loved grandpa's but there were going to be so many kids and people that we couldn't trust her to not bite someone just because most people don't know her pet peeves. we were leaving super early so we dropped her off in cayuga the night before, but by morning we got a phonecall saying she'd escaped. and ran away. in the countryside of cayuga. it took weeks for a farmer to find her on his doorstep, looking for garbage or scraps, and when he tried to put her in his truck she bit him and peed on his seats. ha. that's stella for ya.
i was convinced, before i left for new zealand, that if she was still alive by the time i flew out...she'd be gone by the time i came back. but she was still kicking.
she's never been able to play nicely when a toy or ball is involved. we didn't know how to train her to not be possessive, so we could never play fetch with her...until the last couple of years when she started learning that if she brought us her tennis ball in the living room, we'd always toss it into the dining room. she loved this new game, but couldn't play it outside or for too long because she was just getting too old and arthritic to be able to run and jump for long periods of time.
this past week, we noticed that she was falling down the stairs a lot. she has a few times before but we've decided the slippery hardwood flooring was to blame. but it's been happening on almost a daily basis. her back legs were failing completely and it would take her a long time to stand up...once she was up she could take a few steps but then her back end would drop to the floor again. finally, a few nights ago, dad woke up to her wimpering and crying, which is something she NEVER does. i've only heard her wimper whenever she was scratching her neck and got a toenail caught in her fur or collar. but she was apparently just crying all night and since her back legs can't reach her own body to scratch anymore, we knew that it was something bad.
so yesterday, mom made a phonecall. she knew that it was going to be a day of hard decisions. she knew the possibility of euthanasia and didn't know if she should tell mike before or after. she would have to decide to take stella herself, once dad admitted that he couldn't emotionally handle bringing her in. she knew that she would be the one signing the papers to end stella's life if there were no other options.
i went with mom. she was going to go alone and buck it up for her family, but i couldn't let her be alone...and mike and dad would, in no way, be able to handle keeping her company. dad's been the one to take care of the cats in the past when they've been too old or sick to go on, but he just couldn't make this vet trip. i've faced the life-or-death decision of an animal recently (life was possible in that case) - but i've also had to carry the body of my cat back from the highway to my garage. i've also watched enough vet shows and seen enough animals put down on tv that i felt i could best detach from the situation and try to be strong for mom.
the vet suspects that she had a spinal cord disease or injury that was causing her back end to gradually lose control and feeling - hence the constant bladder leak and laboured movement. her reflexes were awful and she actually allowed him to let her stand with her feet turned the wrong way without really noticing or fixing it for a long time. he also noticed after about 15 minutes that a couple of maggots had fallen off of her...turns out that because she couldn't control her bladder, the urine was burning her skin...and she couldn't brush, scratch or clean away any flies that recently starting using her hindquarters as a nest. she was in so much more pain than we thought, and we felt so guilty for not noticing because of her long fur that just never seemed to stay clean anyway. he said that sealed the deal, in his opinion...because he wasn't sure if she could even feel them on her body very well. and if she could, then she was being tortured.
she was having a good day yesterday. she was walking well and getting excited about having mike home. it made the decision really hard because we felt like it wasn't fair to decide to put her down when she could still walk into the vet. but the doctor reassured us that it was what he would do - and what he had to do a month ago because his own dog suffered a spinal cord condition that left him with similar symptoms.
she was very well behaved the whole day. she didn't snap at me once, even when i was having to pick up her back end to help her in and out of the car. she was good with the vet and didn't even get snarly when he was giving her the IV...she walked back into the examination room with a bit of anxiety, knowing something was up but still pleasant. i was feeding her snacks and realizing she hadn't eaten dinner when the doctor started injecting her. she kept eating and eating, happy and clueless when her head dropped into my hands, taking one last nap.
last night was hard. i dropped an ice cube on the floor when pouring drinks for dinner and had to actually pick it up and put it in the sink. i dropped a fry at the table, and almost called her name to come get it. afterwards, mike and i knew we couldn't just go to bed trying to sleep...we had to stay awake distracting ourselves with tv until we literally passed out. at 2 we both went to bed and i watched an episode of will and grace just to be sure i was ready to sleep. on the way up the stairs, i instinctively tread carefully half expecting to almost step on an invisible dog - black in the dark. i fed the cat with her feeding dish on the window ledge, like always, because she would always end up getting bullied out of her own bowl (catfood was stella's favourite treat). i tripped over an orange tennis ball in the living room.
but i dropped and slept all night - until mom came into my room to kiss my forehead goodbye for the day. she doesn't do it often but we've been really trying to be there for eachother the past day...unfortunately it woke me up enough to see stella's face, cradled in my hands and i woke up crying. i haven't stopped since.
she could finally be at peace and free of pain, and for that i'm grateful. but life just isn't going to be the same. she was a crabby old hag, but i'm really going to miss her.
1 comment:
so sorry to read this story, stella sounded like a real sweetie.
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