parental love and concern...

tonight i felt pretty betrayed by someone tonight. i'm watching my boys and i have always had an unnatural amount of trust and weakness for one of them. he's always been the one who tells me what the rules are and helps out the most, being the most cooperative.

pardon me for being a little incoherent, firstly. in case you haven't read the time stamp, it's currently 3 am.

my boy was granted a curfew extension tonight, on the grounds of good behaviour and just for a treat. I gave him an extra half hour which he called to remind me of (right at his normal curfew, conveniently...haha). at 11:30 I was waiting for him to walk in the door. at 11:50 i wrote him a note saying i didn't appreciate that i was taken advantage of, and that there would be consequences for the choice he made. at 12:15 i made the consequence bigger than what i'd originally decided, as per parental instruction.

anyways, i left his bedroom light on so that i could check easily if he'd come home yet. if the light was still on it meant he was still gone.

2:30 rolls around and i'm waking up to change sleeping positions. his light is still on. i get up to add to the note that it's VERY late and that it means major consequences now. and i went back to bed.

less than a minute later, i fully realized what was happening. he was not home, and he was 3 hours late. 3 hours! that doesn't happen. that's not like him. the only two possible explanations were "i accidentally fell asleep" and "i got beat up and/or thrown over the bridge on my way home". i had to find out what was happening so i called the house he was at and was informed that he "should be home any minute"...but i couldn't tell if they knew, in fact, what time it was and how much time had passed since he'd left. so i hung up and got in the car and drove to the bridge, like a maniac. and not wearing shoes.

well i got back and threw a bit of a slamming door hissy fit when i saw him rolling in, walking fine and in one piece. he looked like he was either upset or hurt so i opted just for feeling guilty and went to bed. then the maternal instinct kicked in and i knew i couldn't live with myself if i let him go the entire night bleeding and beat up, because i hadn't looked at him yet (anger). so i got up and asked if he was bleeding. i wanted to know if he was bleeding. i was HOPING he was bleeding so that i could stop being mad at him. i didn't want to think that this really weird and fully trusting relationship we have had been broken.

i came back out and he said he felt really bad. for probably the third time. i told him i know and that there's no use dwelling on it tonight, and that we'll talk about it tomorow when i get home from work. in the meantime he has his extra chores and grounding to keep him busy all day and then we'll discuss it in the morning.

i realized that i didn't even need to be completely conscious to drive and look...because i was powered only by the panic that took over me when i thought that my boy could've been hurt and that i'd let it go for 3 hours without finding out. it's a scary thought and now i can't even get the adrenaline down enough to go back to sleep.

the good news is that he's alright and he's home. the bad news is that i have to be mad at him and give him consequences. ugh.

well, i'm gunna get a glass of juice and try to get back to bed. it might mean that lorelai and rory have to help me.

speaking of lorelai and rory...that's how i feel about the situation. egg baby and i have this strange kind of relationship where i always can count on him and i know he'll do the responsible thing in most cases. but then rory slept with dean and it made lorelai question who this strange new person is. that's how i felt tonight. who is this strange new person who doesn't hold to his word? it's like i'm trying to process the situation because it's so out of character.

anyways...that's my story for the night.
end scene.