yup...i got nothin'.

Blah. Blah blah blah I feel gross.

Today was a big day. It was the last day of Flipside for the year and I'm excited to be free for a few months (I even held a special place in my heart for the song "Free" as we sang it today...I chuckled to myself and sang it with a slightly different idea in mind). I went for a potluck at the Lundrigans house which is the first I've been there in about a year. Then I played baseball - I tried to get out of it and I just couldn't. There weren't enough girls so I had to play. In jeans. In 32 degree weather. With no glove. Or sunglasses. Or hat. On third base. Facing the sun. With a headache. Not pleased. I'm not sure if I'll be sticking on the team this year after this week.

Then I spent a few hours at the McNeil home - as usual. That didn't end up so well. Bottom line: I'm not going to be a relief worker anymore. It just isn't the right time right now and I don't think it would ever be. I think that some things were expected to blow over given a little time, and they have not. I don't know how the friendship will hold up based on the feelings we shared tonight. It's unfortunate but I have to believe that I'm doing the right thing even if it's not what everyone wants - including myself.

But I did have a slight breakdown, phoning Nic at 12:45 am. I almost ended up at her doorstep, actually, right around this time. She didn't answer at first but phoned me back at 1:30. Hopefully that means she'd only just gotten home from being out or something rather than having phoned me after waking up - coz I felt thoroughly stupid by the time I finished leaving the phone message.

Anyway...work is good. I'm working lots this coming month. Of course, in Jacquie's latest fashion, it's because someone is in the middle of a tragedy and needs coverage. Makes me feel kind of depressed at what my role is this past year. I know it might sound selfish on my part but I can't help how I feel.

That seems to be the theme of the day.

So I'm just sort of wallowing at the moment and don't have much more to say. I thought I'd have a whole interweb's worth of material to write but alas I'm at a loss (for once).

The unknown scares me.