I ate out this past weekend. More than once.
Saturday, my family and friends went to Chuck's Burger Bar in Hamilton. My first time ever.
YUMMO! Spicy citrus & ginger thai TURKEY WINGS. Oh and candied bacon. Sinfully delicious.
I anticipated that Reuben would likely pay for us. But I got a bit short with him as the bill was coming our way and I felt it necessary to pick up the tab for being kind of a jerk to him. I'm going to call that one a freebie.
Sunday a few of the ladies in my family went for Korean BBQ.
LOVE.
Here's how I justify the moolah spent:
1. It was Sunday. I don't plan to "cheat" on all Sundays, but I allowed myself the treat this time.
2. This was planned before I decided on my Lenten challenge
3. Technically I used a gift card, only I gave it to my cousin and she used it. It was a birthday present that I bought her a while ago. So if I wanted to get SUPER technical, I could have used the gift card myself (therefore not spending money on my food) and giving her cash for her dinner. But really in the end, it's the same thing.
Today I started the list of things I want to eat when I can buy food again.
1. A Big Mac
2. Shawarma
Which is completely ridiculous, because I indulged all weekend! Get it together, Fleet!
3 March 2015
Another Day; Another Dollar - Sidenotes
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Some girls get roses. Others get chocolate.
I get beef. I have the most adorable boyfriend. Ever.
Remember when I said that I wasn't going to turn down free gifts of food or the offer for someone to treat a meal out for me?
Allow me to tell you all about the food in my house that I didn't have to purchase...
- a box of popsicles, two containers of home made soup, garlic-parmesan tea biscuits, orange juice and butternut squash pasta from mom (I was sick last Monday)
- a home-made hamburger and potato wedges from one of my lovely students
- minestrone soup from my pastor's wife
One might think that most of my friends are afraid that I will legitimately starve to death between now and Easter.
I am surrounded by the most generous, lovely people.
Another Day; Another Dollar - Day 13
Several times over the past week I've thought to myself "I should probably create another post". I keep taking photos of the food I buy (/that is given to me) and intend to post them along with the corresponding entries. Alas, I get lazy.
No Name cheese blocks are on sale this week. And when I say "on sale" what I really mean is on *enough* sale. Yeah we see cheese on sale, but in my brain if I'm paying $1 or more per 100g, it's not really a cheese sale.
This week, at No Frills, it's $3.77 for 500g. Commence internal conflict.
This happens every few months or so...which means I generally buy one block of cheese every 3-4 months and make it last that long by freezing it (a conservation tactic which, sadly, ruins the overall consistency of the cheese, and one that has directly resulted in a substantial finger-grating situation).
At this point I'd already overspent (approx $9 in 7 days), and had made a vow to myself to not spend anymore money on groceries for another 4 days or so.
But.
$0.75 per 100g.
I probably don't even have to announce that I am now the proud owner of 500g of no name old cheddar cheese. :) It was just one of those deals you don't pass up when it comes along.
I've spent $11.93, though, which means I'm now officially back on track!
Here are my week's purchases...
I am running dangerously low on the following luxuries:
- Belgian Chocolate Toffee CoffeeMate (which I attempted to stretch with some real cream...not the same)
- Cream (mixed with Dominican vanilla extract)
- "Plastic" cheese (good thing I have some fresh, unfrozen real cheese now)
- KETCHUP (sweet merciful crap this is going to be a rough month)
I'm out of:
- Milk (which I actually require to bake a loaf of "Amish Friendship Bread" that my *hopeful* future mother in law gave me a bag of batter for)
- Fresh fruit (I am eating defrosted blueberries from a Welch's bag in my freezer until I can pop over to the supermarket)
- Pancake mix
I find myself very seriously considering foregoing fresh produce this week.
Ketchup is a fruit, right?
No Name cheese blocks are on sale this week. And when I say "on sale" what I really mean is on *enough* sale. Yeah we see cheese on sale, but in my brain if I'm paying $1 or more per 100g, it's not really a cheese sale.
This week, at No Frills, it's $3.77 for 500g. Commence internal conflict.
This happens every few months or so...which means I generally buy one block of cheese every 3-4 months and make it last that long by freezing it (a conservation tactic which, sadly, ruins the overall consistency of the cheese, and one that has directly resulted in a substantial finger-grating situation).
At this point I'd already overspent (approx $9 in 7 days), and had made a vow to myself to not spend anymore money on groceries for another 4 days or so.
But.
$0.75 per 100g.
I probably don't even have to announce that I am now the proud owner of 500g of no name old cheddar cheese. :) It was just one of those deals you don't pass up when it comes along.
I've spent $11.93, though, which means I'm now officially back on track!
Here are my week's purchases...
I am running dangerously low on the following luxuries:
- Belgian Chocolate Toffee CoffeeMate (which I attempted to stretch with some real cream...not the same)
- Cream (mixed with Dominican vanilla extract)
- "Plastic" cheese (good thing I have some fresh, unfrozen real cheese now)
- KETCHUP (sweet merciful crap this is going to be a rough month)
I'm out of:
- Milk (which I actually require to bake a loaf of "Amish Friendship Bread" that my *hopeful* future mother in law gave me a bag of batter for)
- Fresh fruit (I am eating defrosted blueberries from a Welch's bag in my freezer until I can pop over to the supermarket)
- Pancake mix
I find myself very seriously considering foregoing fresh produce this week.
Ketchup is a fruit, right?
22 February 2015
Another Day; Another Dollar - Day 5
Apparently it's a mildly crazy notion to think that I can get by on $1 a day (plus my current stock) to feed myself. Well, we'll see how it goes, I guess.
My plan is basically to shop twice per week, spending $3-4 each of those days to "get by" with produce and/or dairy items. Today I stopped at the grocery store on my way back into town and came home with this:
So my goal is to consume three bananas (I have one leftover from my Wednesday shop), two grapefruits, a cucumber and frozen green beans (as purchased on Wednesday). The cream is because my CoffeeMate creamer is half empty and I'm hoping to stretch it by mixing it with cream. :) Hopefully I won't have to look at buying cream again until the halfway point, and at that time I'll probably mix it with milk and vanilla extract to keep it exciting.
I will probably hit the grocery store again on Thursday or Friday as the fruit and veggie supplies get low, but I do have one serving of cooked, frozen squash, a bag of frozen blueberries and a bag of frozen strawberries to turn to in moments of desperation. :)
I already look at my protein options and realize that it's going to be difficult to get to the end of this without sacrificing a veggie / dairy purchase to get a bit of meat. I'm going to have to start incorporating non-meat-meals NOW and plan a way to spread out when I eat the meat I've got. I'm sure I'll eventually be looking at the "reduced price" sausage. I will then have to live off of an entire bag of red lentils (which I don't love) before finally buckling and consuming that can of tuna that's been in my pantry for ages.
PLEASE feel free to send me your favourite flavourful lentil ideas. I may just resort to boiling them and then adding them to my KD to give it a protein boost. HA!
So far I've spent $8.01, which is obviously over-budget for Day 5, but I'm blaming the cream and will stick to produce-only at my next shop.
That should even things out. :)
My plan is basically to shop twice per week, spending $3-4 each of those days to "get by" with produce and/or dairy items. Today I stopped at the grocery store on my way back into town and came home with this:
So my goal is to consume three bananas (I have one leftover from my Wednesday shop), two grapefruits, a cucumber and frozen green beans (as purchased on Wednesday). The cream is because my CoffeeMate creamer is half empty and I'm hoping to stretch it by mixing it with cream. :) Hopefully I won't have to look at buying cream again until the halfway point, and at that time I'll probably mix it with milk and vanilla extract to keep it exciting.
I will probably hit the grocery store again on Thursday or Friday as the fruit and veggie supplies get low, but I do have one serving of cooked, frozen squash, a bag of frozen blueberries and a bag of frozen strawberries to turn to in moments of desperation. :)
I already look at my protein options and realize that it's going to be difficult to get to the end of this without sacrificing a veggie / dairy purchase to get a bit of meat. I'm going to have to start incorporating non-meat-meals NOW and plan a way to spread out when I eat the meat I've got. I'm sure I'll eventually be looking at the "reduced price" sausage. I will then have to live off of an entire bag of red lentils (which I don't love) before finally buckling and consuming that can of tuna that's been in my pantry for ages.
PLEASE feel free to send me your favourite flavourful lentil ideas. I may just resort to boiling them and then adding them to my KD to give it a protein boost. HA!
So far I've spent $8.01, which is obviously over-budget for Day 5, but I'm blaming the cream and will stick to produce-only at my next shop.
That should even things out. :)
20 February 2015
Another Day; Another Dollar - Day 3
Yesterday I remembered that I had a hidden stash of (one of) my guilty pleasure(s). An entire case (12 BOXES) of that cheesy, carby, chemical ridden, deeeelicious goodness that I like to call...
Kraft! Dinner!
While KD is (unfairly) known as a staple for under-privileged families, I call it a great delicacy and consider it luxury to indulge in its golden glory. Yes folks, I have a very special place in my heart for that little blue box. Because I know how TERRIBLE it is for you (and that it should NOT be eaten on a regular basis), I consider it one of my treat meals!
But it has to be prepared just so.
The noodles can't be undercooked. Or overcooked.
There can only just be enough milk to moisten the cheese powder.
Butter is ESSENTIAL. I can handle KD without milk, but butter is a MUST.
Just a dash of pepper (mixed into the melting butter and milk while noodles are straining).
Don't mix too vigorously; the best part is coming across a little nugget of not-quite-reconstituted powder. :)
Chocolate milk is the ideal accompaniment, but normal milk is acceptable.
If the batch is perfect, the first serving is devoured as it is. Plain and cheesy.
If it isn't perfect (too runny / noodles too soft)........ketchup to the rescue!
The second serving (which is only a few bites deep) is served with ketchup. Always.
And the leftovers bathe in it.
As of today, I have spent zero additional dollars on food, and the KD count is down to 11 boxes. :)
And I have pre-lesson leftovers waiting for me at home. :D
And yes, last night's batch was PERFECTO! *muah*
Hey, I did say I had enough food in my house to feed me until Easter. I never once said that I had enough healthy, well balanced food in my house to last that long. Which is what the $40 is for. ;)
(today's entry is brought to you by the colour orange, and the letters K&D)
Kraft! Dinner!
While KD is (unfairly) known as a staple for under-privileged families, I call it a great delicacy and consider it luxury to indulge in its golden glory. Yes folks, I have a very special place in my heart for that little blue box. Because I know how TERRIBLE it is for you (and that it should NOT be eaten on a regular basis), I consider it one of my treat meals!
But it has to be prepared just so.
The noodles can't be undercooked. Or overcooked.
There can only just be enough milk to moisten the cheese powder.
Butter is ESSENTIAL. I can handle KD without milk, but butter is a MUST.
Just a dash of pepper (mixed into the melting butter and milk while noodles are straining).
Don't mix too vigorously; the best part is coming across a little nugget of not-quite-reconstituted powder. :)
Chocolate milk is the ideal accompaniment, but normal milk is acceptable.
If the batch is perfect, the first serving is devoured as it is. Plain and cheesy.
If it isn't perfect (too runny / noodles too soft)........ketchup to the rescue!
The second serving (which is only a few bites deep) is served with ketchup. Always.
And the leftovers bathe in it.
As of today, I have spent zero additional dollars on food, and the KD count is down to 11 boxes. :)
And I have pre-lesson leftovers waiting for me at home. :D
And yes, last night's batch was PERFECTO! *muah*
Hey, I did say I had enough food in my house to feed me until Easter. I never once said that I had enough healthy, well balanced food in my house to last that long. Which is what the $40 is for. ;)
(today's entry is brought to you by the colour orange, and the letters K&D)
18 February 2015
Another Day; Another Dollar - Day 1
After deciding what my challenge for Lent was going to be, I legit considered doing a one-time, "this-doesn't-count" grocery shop to pick up a bunch of things I know I'd like to have in the house for the next forty days.
Instead I came home with this:
I basically would like to shop for things as needed, and right now I need fruit that fills me up, veggies that won't rot and alphabet soup to go with the sandwiches I plan to eat over the next couple of days.
Minus the gift card (that will eventually be used for groceries), I spent $3.09 today.
So far, so good.
Instead I came home with this:
I basically would like to shop for things as needed, and right now I need fruit that fills me up, veggies that won't rot and alphabet soup to go with the sandwiches I plan to eat over the next couple of days.
Minus the gift card (that will eventually be used for groceries), I spent $3.09 today.
So far, so good.
Another Day; Another Dollar (The Plan)
I have never been one to really participate in any short-term goal-setting crazes.
You'll never sell me on a diet pill or instant results diet program (in fact, you'll rarely hear the word "diet" coming out of my mouth in any positive context). You'll rarely find me making a new years resolution (and I will admit right now that I may even be silently judging you if -on January 3rd- you're announcing yours to me).Hey, at least I'm being honest. ;)
I am not one to initiate any truly meaningful life changes unless I can legitimately and realistically see myself sticking to it forever. This is why I've never successfully become a vegetarian or subscribed to a specific political party. This is why you've never seen any of my relationships last longer than 4 months in my entire life (until now *swoon*). Whatever "it" is, it has to mean that much to me that I won't let it go.
I believe this is partly the reason why I haven't, for the most part, participated in the season of Lent. But within the past few years I've come to realize that this isn't a denominational "thing" that I get to avoid "because I'm not Catholic". I now understand that Lent is an opportunity to fast from something that will ultimately remind me to walk closer to Christ.
Thing is, Lent just sort of sneaks up on me. Anytime that I've participated, I've always been late to the game. But better late than never, right?
My first Lent-ish experiment was in 2013; I decided that I was going to give up my interaction with any (and all) drive-thru windows. If I wanted to eat that junk food, it was going to have to be worth getting out of my car and walking up to a counter for. I realize that it was a baby step, but a good one nonetheless; I hit fast food establishments less than half of the times that I normally would. Looking back, since I was forced to spend more time thinking about "how" to get my food, I would remember to be thankful for having anything for my tummy at all (even if it was slathered in special sauce). Definitely wasn't a "super Christian" type of fast, but it sure didn't hurt!
My 2014 fast was from Netflix; I suspended my account. Since I don't have cable, it meant that I had no use for my TV for an entire 40(ish) days. Some days were easy, and other days I considered re-activating my account (after all, it shouldn't count if I'm snowed into my house with absolutely nothing else to do and no where to safely go).
Last year I noticed two things.
First: my relationships flourished. I spent more regular time with my people than I had in months.
Second: I realized that the evening isn't over at 8:00. With nothing to sit down in front of after guitar lessons, I found myself making evening (decaf) coffee dates with friends and spending more time at the gym. Come to think of it, that fast was an incredibly healthy and prosperous one.
This year has been just as sneaky as the rest of them; yesterday's pancake posts on Facebook reminded me that - once again - I hadn't thought about or prepped for a 40 day fast of any sort. I hadn't decided what (if anything) I "should" give up, and I almost decided to just forget it. But a couple of friends came to mind (and wouldn't you know it, I just realized that this is related to my last post from Autumn), who have decided to (some degree to) participate in a fast based on the book "7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess". The particular fast that comes to mind is to choose 7 foods and eat those (and ONLY those) for an entire month.
Yeah, NO! I am not interested in that. At all. I feel absolutely no tug, pull or tap on the shoulder to participate in that type of fast, and I offer a slow-clapping, standing ovation to those brave enough to take on that kind of challenge.
But (!) it got me thinking...couldn't I survive off of the food I have in my house for 40 days? Even without a pre-Lent prep-shop (since I've missed pre-Lent anyway)? There are literally hundreds of dollars worth of groceries sitting right here in my house (largely in the form of condiments, sauces and spices alone). What I have here is probably more than some people get in an entire year, and often I will still venture out to purchase items based on what I'm craving instead of eating what I already have.
Soon after realizing what excess I have here, every humanitarian sponsorship commercial came to mind; specifically the part of the commercial that says "for the price of a cup of coffee per day, you could feed(/clothe/medicate/educate) this child".
Could I feed myself for one dollar a day for 40 days?
Deciding to eat only what is in my house and to, otherwise, spend only $1 per day for anything else I might need (ideally fresh, perishable, nutritious food) would not only remind me to be grateful when I prep, cook and eat, but also when I plan and shop. I would have to spend my money wisely, cook creatively and suck it up when I have to drink my coffee black or eat a small stack of PB&J sandwiches on crackers because I'm out of bread.
Because I am beyond blessed.
So, here we go.
The Plan:
- take full inventory of all edible items in my home (CHECK - photos attached)
- plan meals weekly, focusing on what I already have in the house
- purchase grocery gift card ($25 PC card CHECK - the rest will be paid in cash)
- commit to blog my experience 2-3 times per week (hold me accountable, please)
- keep all receipts; track every penny spent (fridge magnet clip is already holding my first receipt)
- spend no more than $40 on food items between now and Easter; purchased items should really only be to prevent scurvy and/or calcium deficiency
- don't *plan* to eat out; but don't argue if invited and paid for ;)
- "time-out" Sundays will not be a regular occurrence, although special occasions to be considered
You'll never sell me on a diet pill or instant results diet program (in fact, you'll rarely hear the word "diet" coming out of my mouth in any positive context). You'll rarely find me making a new years resolution (and I will admit right now that I may even be silently judging you if -on January 3rd- you're announcing yours to me).Hey, at least I'm being honest. ;)
I am not one to initiate any truly meaningful life changes unless I can legitimately and realistically see myself sticking to it forever. This is why I've never successfully become a vegetarian or subscribed to a specific political party. This is why you've never seen any of my relationships last longer than 4 months in my entire life (until now *swoon*). Whatever "it" is, it has to mean that much to me that I won't let it go.
I believe this is partly the reason why I haven't, for the most part, participated in the season of Lent. But within the past few years I've come to realize that this isn't a denominational "thing" that I get to avoid "because I'm not Catholic". I now understand that Lent is an opportunity to fast from something that will ultimately remind me to walk closer to Christ.
Thing is, Lent just sort of sneaks up on me. Anytime that I've participated, I've always been late to the game. But better late than never, right?
My first Lent-ish experiment was in 2013; I decided that I was going to give up my interaction with any (and all) drive-thru windows. If I wanted to eat that junk food, it was going to have to be worth getting out of my car and walking up to a counter for. I realize that it was a baby step, but a good one nonetheless; I hit fast food establishments less than half of the times that I normally would. Looking back, since I was forced to spend more time thinking about "how" to get my food, I would remember to be thankful for having anything for my tummy at all (even if it was slathered in special sauce). Definitely wasn't a "super Christian" type of fast, but it sure didn't hurt!
My 2014 fast was from Netflix; I suspended my account. Since I don't have cable, it meant that I had no use for my TV for an entire 40(ish) days. Some days were easy, and other days I considered re-activating my account (after all, it shouldn't count if I'm snowed into my house with absolutely nothing else to do and no where to safely go).
Last year I noticed two things.
First: my relationships flourished. I spent more regular time with my people than I had in months.
Second: I realized that the evening isn't over at 8:00. With nothing to sit down in front of after guitar lessons, I found myself making evening (decaf) coffee dates with friends and spending more time at the gym. Come to think of it, that fast was an incredibly healthy and prosperous one.
This year has been just as sneaky as the rest of them; yesterday's pancake posts on Facebook reminded me that - once again - I hadn't thought about or prepped for a 40 day fast of any sort. I hadn't decided what (if anything) I "should" give up, and I almost decided to just forget it. But a couple of friends came to mind (and wouldn't you know it, I just realized that this is related to my last post from Autumn), who have decided to (some degree to) participate in a fast based on the book "7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess". The particular fast that comes to mind is to choose 7 foods and eat those (and ONLY those) for an entire month.
Yeah, NO! I am not interested in that. At all. I feel absolutely no tug, pull or tap on the shoulder to participate in that type of fast, and I offer a slow-clapping, standing ovation to those brave enough to take on that kind of challenge.
But (!) it got me thinking...couldn't I survive off of the food I have in my house for 40 days? Even without a pre-Lent prep-shop (since I've missed pre-Lent anyway)? There are literally hundreds of dollars worth of groceries sitting right here in my house (largely in the form of condiments, sauces and spices alone). What I have here is probably more than some people get in an entire year, and often I will still venture out to purchase items based on what I'm craving instead of eating what I already have.
Soon after realizing what excess I have here, every humanitarian sponsorship commercial came to mind; specifically the part of the commercial that says "for the price of a cup of coffee per day, you could feed(/clothe/medicate/educate) this child".
Could I feed myself for one dollar a day for 40 days?
Deciding to eat only what is in my house and to, otherwise, spend only $1 per day for anything else I might need (ideally fresh, perishable, nutritious food) would not only remind me to be grateful when I prep, cook and eat, but also when I plan and shop. I would have to spend my money wisely, cook creatively and suck it up when I have to drink my coffee black or eat a small stack of PB&J sandwiches on crackers because I'm out of bread.
Because I am beyond blessed.
So, here we go.
The Plan:
- take full inventory of all edible items in my home (CHECK - photos attached)
- plan meals weekly, focusing on what I already have in the house
- purchase grocery gift card ($25 PC card CHECK - the rest will be paid in cash)
- commit to blog my experience 2-3 times per week (hold me accountable, please)
- keep all receipts; track every penny spent (fridge magnet clip is already holding my first receipt)
- spend no more than $40 on food items between now and Easter; purchased items should really only be to prevent scurvy and/or calcium deficiency
- don't *plan* to eat out; but don't argue if invited and paid for ;)
- "time-out" Sundays will not be a regular occurrence, although special occasions to be considered
 |
| Freezer: Feb 18 |
 |
| Fridge Door: Feb 18 |
 |
| Fridge: Feb 18 |
 |
| Pantry: Feb 18 |
10 September 2014
come as you are
I've been convicted recently (again) that I'm not spending enough time with God. I'm not making Him a priority; giving Him my first and best. It's hard to keep my attention when I have to sit and read something, so I'm being realistic here and trying something "easy" - watching bible study videos. I'm not buying all the books to go along with them, intensely studying and working through it as though I were participating in a small group. Just watching videos. It's a start.
I've just finished a series called "Pulling the Thread" by Jen Hatmaker. It's about unraveling our view about God's calling in our lives. What I can say is that it basically reminds me that my ordinary life is worth something and that I can be intentional for Christ in every small thing I do.
I'm feeling particularly convicted about loving people. It's no secret to my Gateway family that many people have come and gone from our church, unnoticed, having felt totally overlooked and lost in its "big"ness. I can sit and point, condemning and judging my brothers and sisters for not reaching out and loving people but I am really no better. And I say that more like "I am rrrreeeaaalllllllllllyyyy no better". I have an odd fear of small talk. I have bigger insecurity issues than most would believe to see me interact and/or play and/or sing on a Sunday morning. Unfortunately this translates to unfriendliness and snobbery to any newcomer (or any oldcomer that I likely don't recognize).
And let's be honest for a moment. It's SO much easier for us to just stick with the comfortable crowd; the "us" crowd. I have "my people" and I am the first to admit that I'm a GREAT friend as long as you're "in". I have enough (so many - too many to keep up with) "in"s that I don't have time for the so-called "out"s.
"I have enough friends." Guilty as charged.
But once in a while I get brave. Once in a while I reach out to someone who intrigues me. Once in a while (okay once in this case) I feel a specific calling / nudging toward someone, knowing that I have a place in their world and they have a place in mine. I don't often use the "God led / told me to" bit, so when I do it's usually after I've analyzed it from every which way (and have seen the fruits of obedience).
But we are called to love people. Even the ones whose "as they are" does not match our "as we are" or our "as we hoped".
My Gateway-ers will know what I mean by that.
And sometimes people just won't get it. At times even I don't.
Jen Hatmaker, in Pulling the Thread, said this about our fear of the nebulous "other" (totally paraphrased):
Rather than just insisting that, in order to belong with us, they must believe what we believe exactly; they must be of the tribe we understand; they must be one of us in order to belong. What if, instead, we begin to create places for people to belong first, no matter their beliefs, heritage, ethnicity, lifestyle, choices, value system, no matter what...
One thing we don't love to talk about is the cost of mercy. It's more fun to talk about the good feelings that come from merciful and missional living. But Jesus was clear that there is a high cost and we have to count it (Luke 9:23-26). Jesus was misunderstood and questioned in his actions constantly! People wondered why He was eating with sinners and touching lepers. His choices and His intentions were constantly under the microscope. He made a mess of things in the best way. If we are to follow Him, we should expect the same. We will be misunderstood; it will be confusing. It scares people to watch someone live on mission.
This is a huge confirmation and encouragement to me.Once again I'm being reminded that my job is to love people. It isn't my job to convict or convert; "that's Holy Spirit territory". I have been learning in small encouraging ways that loving people through their struggles; through their choices; through the mess they create for themselves (because let's be real - someone has loved me through plenty of my own) is not wasted.
When we can get over this fear of the "nebulous other"; the "came as they are"s instead of the "came as I hoped"s, we will be free to simply love.
I've just finished a series called "Pulling the Thread" by Jen Hatmaker. It's about unraveling our view about God's calling in our lives. What I can say is that it basically reminds me that my ordinary life is worth something and that I can be intentional for Christ in every small thing I do.
I'm feeling particularly convicted about loving people. It's no secret to my Gateway family that many people have come and gone from our church, unnoticed, having felt totally overlooked and lost in its "big"ness. I can sit and point, condemning and judging my brothers and sisters for not reaching out and loving people but I am really no better. And I say that more like "I am rrrreeeaaalllllllllllyyyy no better". I have an odd fear of small talk. I have bigger insecurity issues than most would believe to see me interact and/or play and/or sing on a Sunday morning. Unfortunately this translates to unfriendliness and snobbery to any newcomer (or any oldcomer that I likely don't recognize).
And let's be honest for a moment. It's SO much easier for us to just stick with the comfortable crowd; the "us" crowd. I have "my people" and I am the first to admit that I'm a GREAT friend as long as you're "in". I have enough (so many - too many to keep up with) "in"s that I don't have time for the so-called "out"s.
"I have enough friends." Guilty as charged.
But once in a while I get brave. Once in a while I reach out to someone who intrigues me. Once in a while (okay once in this case) I feel a specific calling / nudging toward someone, knowing that I have a place in their world and they have a place in mine. I don't often use the "God led / told me to" bit, so when I do it's usually after I've analyzed it from every which way (and have seen the fruits of obedience).
But we are called to love people. Even the ones whose "as they are" does not match our "as we are" or our "as we hoped".
My Gateway-ers will know what I mean by that.
And sometimes people just won't get it. At times even I don't.
Jen Hatmaker, in Pulling the Thread, said this about our fear of the nebulous "other" (totally paraphrased):
Rather than just insisting that, in order to belong with us, they must believe what we believe exactly; they must be of the tribe we understand; they must be one of us in order to belong. What if, instead, we begin to create places for people to belong first, no matter their beliefs, heritage, ethnicity, lifestyle, choices, value system, no matter what...
One thing we don't love to talk about is the cost of mercy. It's more fun to talk about the good feelings that come from merciful and missional living. But Jesus was clear that there is a high cost and we have to count it (Luke 9:23-26). Jesus was misunderstood and questioned in his actions constantly! People wondered why He was eating with sinners and touching lepers. His choices and His intentions were constantly under the microscope. He made a mess of things in the best way. If we are to follow Him, we should expect the same. We will be misunderstood; it will be confusing. It scares people to watch someone live on mission.
This is a huge confirmation and encouragement to me.Once again I'm being reminded that my job is to love people. It isn't my job to convict or convert; "that's Holy Spirit territory". I have been learning in small encouraging ways that loving people through their struggles; through their choices; through the mess they create for themselves (because let's be real - someone has loved me through plenty of my own) is not wasted.
When we can get over this fear of the "nebulous other"; the "came as they are"s instead of the "came as I hoped"s, we will be free to simply love.
9 September 2014
help control the cyberspace population; have your blog spayed or neutered
Forgive me, Blogger, for I have slacked.
It's been 5 (FIVE) years since my last entry.
It's time to get back on the blogwagon. I'm re-using my old address and starting afresh within an already-existent environment for a couple of reasons:
1. Let's be real: cyberspace is overpopulated. If I wanted to start over with a new address, I'd have to tack on 6 billion foreign characters and numbers to find a place to call my own. The idea of assigning myself a number makes me feel like an inmate. Also, I'm lazy.
2. I love that a recurring theme in my life has been a desire to identify, acknowledge and be grateful for the beautiful things in life; the simple pleasures (and extravagant ones) that we often take for granted. This theme has ebbed and flowed into my heart for years and I'm glad to know that I have maintained some consistency within my heart.
I've glanced through a few of my old posts and realize that there IS value to recording daily thoughts and challenges. Even if, at this moment, the value is in realizing how we grow and change in just a couple of years. It's funny to read about just how young and naive I once was. And when I come back again in another five years I'm sure I'll roll my eyes at my present, 31-year-old self and say "oh if you only knew, child..."
One of these days I'll go through all my old posts and re-live a little of what I went through in my mid-twenties. But for now I'm here, starting afresh, with no time to say much at this particular moment besides "stay tuned".
If you want. This is really for me, in the end. :)
It's been 5 (FIVE) years since my last entry.
It's time to get back on the blogwagon. I'm re-using my old address and starting afresh within an already-existent environment for a couple of reasons:
1. Let's be real: cyberspace is overpopulated. If I wanted to start over with a new address, I'd have to tack on 6 billion foreign characters and numbers to find a place to call my own. The idea of assigning myself a number makes me feel like an inmate. Also, I'm lazy.
2. I love that a recurring theme in my life has been a desire to identify, acknowledge and be grateful for the beautiful things in life; the simple pleasures (and extravagant ones) that we often take for granted. This theme has ebbed and flowed into my heart for years and I'm glad to know that I have maintained some consistency within my heart.
I've glanced through a few of my old posts and realize that there IS value to recording daily thoughts and challenges. Even if, at this moment, the value is in realizing how we grow and change in just a couple of years. It's funny to read about just how young and naive I once was. And when I come back again in another five years I'm sure I'll roll my eyes at my present, 31-year-old self and say "oh if you only knew, child..."
One of these days I'll go through all my old posts and re-live a little of what I went through in my mid-twenties. But for now I'm here, starting afresh, with no time to say much at this particular moment besides "stay tuned".
If you want. This is really for me, in the end. :)
29 June 2009
yup...i got nothin'.
Blah. Blah blah blah I feel gross.
Today was a big day. It was the last day of Flipside for the year and I'm excited to be free for a few months (I even held a special place in my heart for the song "Free" as we sang it today...I chuckled to myself and sang it with a slightly different idea in mind). I went for a potluck at the Lundrigans house which is the first I've been there in about a year. Then I played baseball - I tried to get out of it and I just couldn't. There weren't enough girls so I had to play. In jeans. In 32 degree weather. With no glove. Or sunglasses. Or hat. On third base. Facing the sun. With a headache. Not pleased. I'm not sure if I'll be sticking on the team this year after this week.
Then I spent a few hours at the McNeil home - as usual. That didn't end up so well. Bottom line: I'm not going to be a relief worker anymore. It just isn't the right time right now and I don't think it would ever be. I think that some things were expected to blow over given a little time, and they have not. I don't know how the friendship will hold up based on the feelings we shared tonight. It's unfortunate but I have to believe that I'm doing the right thing even if it's not what everyone wants - including myself.
But I did have a slight breakdown, phoning Nic at 12:45 am. I almost ended up at her doorstep, actually, right around this time. She didn't answer at first but phoned me back at 1:30. Hopefully that means she'd only just gotten home from being out or something rather than having phoned me after waking up - coz I felt thoroughly stupid by the time I finished leaving the phone message.
Anyway...work is good. I'm working lots this coming month. Of course, in Jacquie's latest fashion, it's because someone is in the middle of a tragedy and needs coverage. Makes me feel kind of depressed at what my role is this past year. I know it might sound selfish on my part but I can't help how I feel.
That seems to be the theme of the day.
So I'm just sort of wallowing at the moment and don't have much more to say. I thought I'd have a whole interweb's worth of material to write but alas I'm at a loss (for once).
The unknown scares me.
Today was a big day. It was the last day of Flipside for the year and I'm excited to be free for a few months (I even held a special place in my heart for the song "Free" as we sang it today...I chuckled to myself and sang it with a slightly different idea in mind). I went for a potluck at the Lundrigans house which is the first I've been there in about a year. Then I played baseball - I tried to get out of it and I just couldn't. There weren't enough girls so I had to play. In jeans. In 32 degree weather. With no glove. Or sunglasses. Or hat. On third base. Facing the sun. With a headache. Not pleased. I'm not sure if I'll be sticking on the team this year after this week.
Then I spent a few hours at the McNeil home - as usual. That didn't end up so well. Bottom line: I'm not going to be a relief worker anymore. It just isn't the right time right now and I don't think it would ever be. I think that some things were expected to blow over given a little time, and they have not. I don't know how the friendship will hold up based on the feelings we shared tonight. It's unfortunate but I have to believe that I'm doing the right thing even if it's not what everyone wants - including myself.
But I did have a slight breakdown, phoning Nic at 12:45 am. I almost ended up at her doorstep, actually, right around this time. She didn't answer at first but phoned me back at 1:30. Hopefully that means she'd only just gotten home from being out or something rather than having phoned me after waking up - coz I felt thoroughly stupid by the time I finished leaving the phone message.
Anyway...work is good. I'm working lots this coming month. Of course, in Jacquie's latest fashion, it's because someone is in the middle of a tragedy and needs coverage. Makes me feel kind of depressed at what my role is this past year. I know it might sound selfish on my part but I can't help how I feel.
That seems to be the theme of the day.
So I'm just sort of wallowing at the moment and don't have much more to say. I thought I'd have a whole interweb's worth of material to write but alas I'm at a loss (for once).
The unknown scares me.
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